The holidays bring joy, connection, and, let’s be honest, the occasional awkward mealtime comment. Whether it’s unsolicited advice about your parenting or your food choices, these moments can feel like traps. But here’s the thing: you don’t have to engage in every food-related debate. 

Why It Matters

Family gatherings are messy—especially when it comes to food. Differing values, habits, and traditions often surface at mealtimes, and it’s easy to get defensive when someone comments on what or how you feed your kids.  

But choosing not to engage in conflict can actually lead to something more valuable: stronger relationships.

Teaching your kids how to navigate these moments with respect and curiosity reinforces your family’s food values while building bridges, not walls, with others.

Let It Go: You Don’t Have to Defend Yourself

Have you been here? You’re at a holiday dinner, and someone makes a comment about how your child didn’t clean their plate or expresses shock that you let them eat dessert with dinner. Your instinct might be to explain (ahem, defend vehemently) your parenting choices.  Lots of people, myself included, have talked about how to handle these situations (even giving you exact scripts for what to say).

But here's a hot take: do you really need to?  In most cases, I would argue, the answer is no.

Responding to every critique not only drains your energy and escalate tension - it also drives a wedge between you and your commenter.

Instead, consider letting the comment go. One meal—or one moment—won’t define your child’s eating habits. What matters more is maintaining positive relationships with your family (especially if it's your partner). 

So, if engaging isn’t the best option, what can you do? You can prepare. Instead of reacting to the moment, take some time before the gathering to help your kids (and yourself!) understand what they might expect. This proactive approach allows you to navigate differences gracefully while empowering your kids (and yourself!) to feel confident in their choices. 

Prepare Your Kids for What to Expect

Especially when kids are involved and you want to set a good example, sit down with them to talk about what might happen before heading to a family gathering. The goal isn’t to scare or overwhelm them but to equip them with tools to handle the situation comfortably (and within appropriate age boundaries).

Here’s how you can set them up for success:

• Talk About Different Rules:
  “At Grandma’s house, the rule might be to stay at the table until everyone is done eating. We don’t do that at home, but let’s try to follow her rule while we’re there. It’s one way we can show respect for her traditions.”
• Explain Food Differences:
  “Uncle Joe might ask if you want to try his famous casserole. You don’t have to eat it if you don’t want to, but you can politely say, ‘No thank you.’ Everyone has different food traditions, and it’s okay for ours to look different from theirs.”
• Share Your Family’s Values:
  “We don’t eat meat because it’s important to us to make choices that align with our values. Not everyone shares that perspective, and that’s okay. It’s a chance for us to talk about what’s important to us without needing to change what others do.”

By framing these moments as opportunities for understanding and respect, you help your kids navigate differences with confidence. They’ll feel more grounded in your family’s values while learning to respect those of others.

Choose Curiosity Over Judgement

Differences in food traditions and mealtime rules can feel like challenges, especially when they clash with your own. But instead of seeing them as wrong or frustrating, try approaching them with curiosity. Teaching your kids to ask thoughtful questions shows them how to explore new perspectives without passing judgment.

What does curiosity look like in practice?

• When Grandma insists on a clean plate, you might ask: “That’s an interesting rule! Did your parents have the same rule when you were growing up?” (You might also remind you kids to take less with each serving, knowing that this is the rule.)
• If Uncle Joe is passionate about his famous dish, you can encourage your kids to ask: “How do you make it? Is it a recipe passed down in the family?”

These questions open the door to understanding, creating connection rather than conflict. They also model how to engage in conversations about differences respectfully and thoughtfully.

How Kids Can Stay Curious:

Help your kids prepare questions they can use to explore others’ traditions. For example:

• “What’s your favorite thing about this dish?”
• “Why do we do this differently at Grandma’s house than at home?”
• “Can I help make it next time?”

By encouraging curiosity, you help your kids see differences not as something to be avoided or judged but as opportunities to learn and connect.

Celebrate Traditions Together

Holiday meals are about more than just what’s on the table—they’re a chance to share stories, celebrate heritage, and connect across generations. Even if a dish or practice feels unfamiliar (or even contrary to your own values), there’s often a rich story or tradition worth exploring.

Highlight the Story Behind the Food

Ask family members about the meaning behind certain dishes or rituals. For example:

• “Grandpa, where did this recipe come from? Have you always made it this way?”
• “Aunt Alex, did you learn this from your grandpa? What do you love most about making it?”

By inviting these stories, you help your kids see that food is more than just something we eat—it’s a way families pass down memories and culture.

Share Your Family’s Traditions

This is also a great opportunity to explain why your family approaches food a little differently. Share the story behind your own choices:

• “Our family loves making this soup every year because it reminds us of when Grandma taught me to cook.”
• “We don’t eat meat at home because it’s part of how we chose to take care of the planet. Other people make that choice in different ways. But look at all these delicious sides we can enjoy together!”

By sharing your traditions, you create a dialogue about what food means to different people without needing to draw hard lines or judgments.

Teach Respect for Differences

Celebrating traditions together also means recognizing that they don’t all have to align perfectly. Talk to your kids about how to appreciate the effort and meaning behind someone else’s dishes, even if they choose not to eat them.

• “Uncle Joe worked really hard on this turkey. Even though we don’t eat meat, we can thank him for putting so much care into it.”
• “Grandma’s special pie may not be your favorite, but isn’t it amazing that she bakes one every year just for us?”

Make New Traditions Together

Sometimes the most memorable traditions come from blending old and new. Let your kids suggest a dish or ritual they’d like to try, and invite family members to join in.

Remember the Bigger Picture

Holiday meals don’t have to be perfect or free of differences to be meaningful. They’re about coming together, appreciating each other’s efforts, and finding moments of connection—even when traditions or food choices don’t always match. By encouraging curiosity and respect, you can create a space where everyone feels included and valued. That’s what makes these gatherings worth celebrating.

Who else should hear this? Please share!