cookbooks and meal planner on kitchen counter

5 Reasons to Serve Dessert With Dinner

"Dessert as reward" is not a winning strategy for long-term health or healthy habits. But this might be.

Why It Matters

The Problem: When dessert is framed as a reward, it becomes the ultimate prize. Kids begin to see dinner as a chore and focus only on getting to the "good stuff." Over time, this can create an unhealthy relationship with food, where sweets are overly glorified, and nutritious foods are something to "get through."

The Solution: By serving dessert with dinner, you can neutralize its power, reduce obsession, and help kids learn to listen to their hunger cues. It’s a simple change that can create a more positive and balanced approach to food.

"Clean your plate, or no dessert"

If you're like me, you grew up hearing, "You have to clean your plate before you get dessert." Maybe you’ve even found yourself saying it to your own kids. But here’s the thing—using dessert as a reward can backfire. It turns dessert into the ultimate prize and encourages kids to rush through meals, ignoring hunger cues, just to "earn" the sweet stuff.

So, what if we flipped the script? What if dessert wasn’t a reward but simply part of the meal?

plate with penne and red sauce

"How much dinner do I have to eat in order to get dessert?"

A Personal Wake-Up Call

When my son was five years old, he came into the kitchen as I was making dinner. He didn’t ask what I was cooking (spaghetti, his favorite meal). Instead, he asked, “How much dinner do I have to eat to get dessert tonight?” That one question stopped me in my tracks. I realized I had taught him that dessert was the goal and dinner was just the obstacle he had to endure.

That wasn’t the message I wanted to send. I wanted him to like foods like broccoli because they tasted good and made him feel good—not because eating them earned him a cupcake. I wanted him to understand that dessert has its place too.

So, I decided to do something different: I started serving dessert with dinner.

What Changed When We Served Dessert With Dinner

Here are the five biggest changes I noticed when I started serving dessert with dinner:

1. The Questions Stopped

If I were the betting type, I would put a lot of money down on the fact that your child has - on more than one occasion - asked "How much do I have to eat in order to get dessert?" If I'm wrong then I'd venture to say that you've been asked - on more than one occasion, and maybe even after setting a lovingly prepared dinner on the table (and before a single bite of the meal has been tasted) - "What's for dessert?"

My kids used to bombard me with endless dessert-related questions. But when you put dessert on the table with dinner, your kids no longer have to ask for it, because it's right there. They no longer have to wonder, or be concerned: Are we having dessert? When can I have dessert? How much dessert can I have?

They not longer have to ask. You've decided what to serve, and you're trusting them to make the choice about what and how much to eat.  

2. Dessert Lost Its Power

Using dessert as a reward makes it a forbidden fruit. There is enough evidence for me to feel confident saying that restricting access to sweets (or any food) may reduce intake in the short term but often leads to overconsumption in the long-run. We may think we are doing our kids a favor by denying them sweets now, but when they are left to their own devices, without us to control things, they will often overeat.

By including dessert as part of the meal, I noticed my kids stopped obsessing over it. Dessert became just another part of the meal, and they were better able to enjoy it without overindulging.

3. Mealtime Conversations Got Better

Without the constant back-and-forth about dessert, we had more time to focus on each other. We talked about the questions our kids asked in school that day, or how many times they finished the monkey bars, or what story they'd like you to read at bedtime. They told us bad knock-knock jokes.

The focus shifted from what we were eating - or what we would eventually be eating! - to who we were eating with.

4. My Kids Learned to Make Choices

Serving dessert with dinner helped my kids practice the critical skill of decision-making. Should they eat dessert first or last? What happens if they eat their dessert first while everyone else enjoys it later, together? We also used it as an opportunity to talk about how it feels to eat dessert first compared to after the meal, and how it changes the rest of dinner when something sweet is served alongside.

These natural consequences taught them to listen to their bodies and make balanced choices—skills that will serve them for life.

5. Dessert Is Delicious

Let’s be honest: dessert tastes good. It doesn’t need to be a reward or a secret indulgence. When you include it in a balanced meal, you show for your kids that sweets have a place in a healthy lifestyle. And when you save room to enjoy dessert yourself, you’re modeling that same balance.

What to Expect If You Try It

Here’s what this strategy doesn’t mean: you serve a three-tier cake at every meal. You’re still in charge of deciding what and how much dessert is on the table. But by serving it alongside dinner, you’ll see how your kids respond—and you might be surprised by the results.

This doesn’t need to be an everyday habit. Start small. Try serving dessert with dinner once or twice a week and observe what happens.

Ready to Give It a Try?

Are you brave enough to put the cupcakes next to the broccoli? If you do, I’d love to hear how it goes. Leave a comment or send me a message—I can’t wait to hear your stories!

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    © 2024 Kiyah Duffey

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