I get questions like this all the time:
Help! My toddler won't eat anything I make. He’s become an absolute terror at meal time. I don't want to cave, but it feels like my only option. What can I do?
Behavior like this elevates the tension for everyone at the dinner table. And while it is soooo tempting to give in to your toddler's demands, that short-term fix can (and often does) ultimately lead to longer-term problems.
But there are some things that you can do to de-escalate emotionally charged situations like this while still supporting the development of long-long healthy habits for your kids.
Caving in might seem like the quickest way to avoid a dinnertime disaster, but it sets a precedent that’s hard to undo. When kids learn that enough fussing gets them exactly what they want, those meltdowns and demands don’t just disappear—they multiply. Instead of constantly negotiating over meals, you want to build trust, set clear expectations, and create a mealtime routine that works long term. Because the goal isn’t just getting them to eat tonight—it’s helping them develop a healthy, confident relationship with food for years to come.
Ok, let’s talk about the 4 things you can do instead of giving into your child’s demands that you make something else for dinner that will help de-escalate your and your toddler's rising emotions and help everyone come back to the table feeling ready to be together.
When it comes to mealtime, it is your job to decide what food is available and when it is served. It is your child's job to decide what they want to eat from what’s available and exactly how much. The more consistent you are with this practice, the more it will help in the long run.
The long game is what matters. It's easy to feel like every meal is critically important, but what truly shapes your child’s relationship with food is the years of experiences, not a single dinner.
Pro Tip:
As often as you can, be neutral—both when your child tries something new and when they refuse to eat. Don't praise, don’t show frustration if you can help it, and don’t beg, plead, bribe, or coerce them into eating. That will only backfire over time.
Be clear about your boundaries, and when your toddler is calm, share those boundaries with your kids. Yes, even your toddler!
What kind of boundaries am I talking about? I'm talking about behaviors that you (and your partner) find acceptable for mealtime. Share those with your kids - ideally as calmly as possible and before any meltdowns are happening - and include the consequences that will come as a result. Even if you see the problematic behavior making its way into dinner, you can still respond with positive reinforcement.
Having one “safe” food is not catering to your child; it is being considerate of the fact that their tastes are still developing and they are learning how to try new foods.
Tips for choosing "safe" foods or allowing for an alternative:
Remember:
You are not making a separate meal—just providing a familiar, low-pressure choice that allows your toddler to stay at the table and participate in mealtime
This just might be the toughest of the four to stick to. Remember - especially for kids who are not food insecure, suffering from diagnosed medical or feeding issues, and on a healthy growth trajectory - it’s okay if they don't eat much dinner tonight. And again tomorrow. In the long run, what matters is that they develop a self-regulated and positive relationship with food, and you are working to support that.
The subtle, unspoken messages we send at mealtime—our reactions, our patience, our consistency—matter just as much as the obvious ones. If you want your child to develop trust in their own appetite and food choices, you have to trust them, too.