You may think your child’s eating habits are all about the food—but your parenting style might be doing more of the driving.

Why It Matters

When it comes to raising competent eaters, food is only part of the story. The tone you set, the expectations you carry, and the way you respond to your child’s behavior all shape their relationship with food. Understanding how your parenting style shows up at mealtime can help you shift away from power struggles and toward trust, connection, and autonomy.

The Hidden Driver at the Table

Most of us spend a lot of time thinking about what to feed our kids: more veggies, less sugar, fewer snacks, better protein.
But the how - how we approach meals, how we talk to our kids, how we respond when they say “I don’t like this" - matters just as much.

Sometimes, the real tension at the table isn’t about the broccoli.
It’s about control, fear, pressure, or frustration.
And often, those feelings are rooted in our parenting style.

A Quick Look at Parenting Styles

Researchers have long identified four main parenting styles:

• Authoritarian: high control, low warmth. “You’ll eat it because I said so.”
• Permissive: high warmth, low control. “You don’t want to eat? That’s fine. Want a cookie instead?”
• Neglectful: low warmth, low control. (This one’s less common in intentional feeding.)
• Authoritative: high warmth, high structure. “Here’s what’s for dinner. I know you may not love it yet, but your body needs real food.”

When applied to food, these styles show up in subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways.

What This Looks Like With Food

• Authoritarian feeding might sound like: “You can’t leave the table until your plate is clean.”
• Permissive feeding might sound like: “Okay, you don’t want this? I’ll make mac and cheese.”
• Authoritative feeding sounds like: “You don’t have to eat it, but this is what’s for dinner. We’ll try again next time.”

In all of these, the food hasn’t changed. But the tone, expectations, and relationship have.

From Control to Collaboration

If your meals feel like battles, it might be time to pause and ask: Am I trying to control the outcome… or support the process?

Your job isn’t to get your child to eat five bites of broccoli tonight.

Your job is to create a space where they can learn to like broccoli over time—without fear, shame, or bribery.

That shift, from control to collaboration, is the sweet spot of the authoritative feeding style.

A Small Shift to Try This Week

You don’t need to overhaul your whole parenting approach.

Try this:

• Instead of saying, “You have to eat your dinner before you can have dessert,”
• Say, “Dessert is part of the meal tonight. You don’t have to eat everything, but let’s all come to the table and eat together.”

It sends a very different message:
That you trust your child. That you’re not using food as a reward or punishment. That meals are about more than just what goes in their mouth.

(You could share how this shift landed in your house—maybe the first time you stopped bribing with dessert or let your child decide how much to eat.)

Final Thought

It’s easy to think the solution to picky eating is just a better recipe. But sometimes, it’s a better relationship.