When a well-meaning family member overrides your feeding choices, it’s more than annoying. It can confuse your kids and derail the progress you’ve worked hard to build. But here’s the thing: these moments don’t have to end in tension or guilt. With a little prep (and a lot of grace), you can protect your values and the relationship.
Whether it’s the lollipops before dinner or the endless push for seconds, grandparents can unintentionally steamroll your family’s food routines. They raised kids too. They love their grandkids. And they really believe that “a little treat never hurt anybody.”
But when your child is still learning how to listen to their body or trust unfamiliar foods, these moments can cause more harm than help.
It’s the conflict of values.
You're focused on balance, trust, and long-term skills. But they’re focused on joy, tradition, and maybe even making up for what they didn’t get to give you.
This isn’t a villain story. It’s a values mismatch.
It's not war. It’s just war with sprinkles.
Here’s where CIRCLE Up comes in. It's my go-to framework for finding common ground:
C – Clarify Your Values
Before you even pack the car, get clear on your non-negotiables. Are you okay with dessert? Just not before dinner? Do you care more about sugar volume or timing?
I – Invite Conversation
Talk before the visit. Say: “We’re working on helping [Kid’s Name] learn when they’re full. Could we skip the extra dessert push this time?”
R – Respect Their Intentions
Start with gratitude: “I know how much you love them, and I love that. That’s why I want to be upfront…”
✨ Want to add a little more levity? Add “Also, I don’t want to be the ‘mean mom’ after you leave. Help me out, will you?”
C – Consider Compromise
Instead of banning foods, can you offer boundaries? “How about sweets after lunch instead of all day?”
L – Listen and Let Go (a little)
Some hills are not worth dying on. You can’t control every bite outside your home—and that’s okay.
E – Educate With Empathy
If they’re open, explain how this isn’t about being strict—it’s about building a lifelong relationship with food.
Up – Uplift the Wins
Notice and appreciate when things go right. Say, “Thanks for offering apples first. Did you see that he actually ate them before the cupcake!” Positive reinforcement works well with grownups and kids alike.
Still not sure what you'll say? Here are some scripts you can use as a starting point:
ChatGPT: Can you please help me write a short, respectful script to talk with [my mom / my in-laws / my dad] about [specific food situation or rule] because I’m working on helping my child [insert your goal or skill, like ‘learn when they’re full’ or ‘feel confident trying new foods’]. I want to explain our approach clearly, stay kind, and avoid conflict if possible.
Food isn’t just nourishment—it’s love, memory, identity. That’s why these moments feel so charged. But they’re also opportunities to teach your child that it’s okay to set boundaries and hold relationships with care.
The broccoli battle is small. The trust you’re building? That’s big.
