We are so quick to judge ourselves: What we ate. What we fed our kids. How we parented in the middle of that meltdown at Target.

But here’s the thing: judgment shuts the door. Curiosity cracks it back open.

Why It Matters

When we lead with judgment, our world gets small. We get stuck in guilt or frustration—whether about our parenting, our relationships, or our eating habits.

When we lead with curiosity, we make space. Space to understand, to try again, to see what might be going on underneath.

And that shift—tiny as it sounds—can completely change how we parent, how we eat, and how we talk to each other.

Let’s Talk About Parenting

Judgment sounds like:

“My kid is so picky. I must have done something wrong.”

Curiosity sounds like:

“I wonder what makes them say no to broccoli but yes to green beans?”

It’s a subtle difference, but it changes everything.

Judgment puts you and your child on opposite teams. Curiosity puts you together on the same side, trying to figure something out.

If you’ve followed my work on picky eating, you know that why kids eat—or don’t eat—certain foods is complicated. Sometimes it’s texture. Sometimes it’s timing. Sometimes it’s that they’re just tired. Curiosity helps you investigate those “whys” instead of assuming the problem is you—or them.

When I talk about responsive feeding, this is what I mean in practice. You notice. You ask. You stay open. And that openness builds trust at the table.

Let’s Talk About Co-Parenting

Judgment says:

“We can’t communicate. This is hopeless.”

Curiosity says:

“What part of our routine feels hardest for them? Is there a pattern in when things fall apart?”

This isn’t about excusing bad behavior or pretending everything’s fine. It’s about understanding the system you’re in so you can make intentional changes.

When I spoke with a marriage counselor recently on The Weekly Parent podcast, she pointed out that curiosity is one of the most underused tools in communication. We think we’re listening, but often we’re just waiting to defend ourselves. When we get curious—really curious—we stop trying to win, and we start trying to understand.

Let’s Talk About Food (and Ourselves)

If you've been following me for a while, you'll know that this one hits close to home.

Judgment says:

“I was so bad today. I had dessert again.”

Curiosity says:

“What was I craving? Was I actually hungry? Stressed? Tired? Looking for comfort?”

That’s mindful eating in real life—not lighting candles or eating in silence, but noticing without shame.

In my earlier post about Examining Your Food Past, I talked about how our histories shape our choices. Curiosity lets you see those patterns clearly without beating yourself up for them. It’s the difference between “I shouldn’t eat this” and “I wonder why I want this.”

And when you understand the why, you can make choices that align with your values—whether that’s eating the cookie because it’s your grandma’s recipe, or skipping it because you know you’re just stressed and need a walk instead.

The Practical Side

Here’s how to make curiosity your go-to response:

1. Catch the judgment early.
   When you hear that inner voice say, “You always…” or “You should have…”, stop. Label it as judgment.
2. Rephrase it as a question.
   “Why did I respond that way?” or “What was I needing in that moment?”
3. Look for data, not drama.
   Notice patterns: Is this a certain time of day? Does it happen when you’re hungry, tired, or stretched thin?
4. Get external perspective.
   Curiosity doesn’t mean figuring it all out alone. Ask your partner, a friend, or your child for their view. It’s often eye-opening.
5. Repeat.
   This is a practice, not a one-time fix. But over time, curiosity becomes your default—and judgment starts to fade.

What Happens When You Choose Curiosity

You parent with more patience.
You eat with more awareness.
You communicate with less defensiveness.

And maybe most importantly, you start to like yourself a little more.

Because curiosity isn’t about fixing—it’s about understanding. And understanding is what moves us forward.

Try This Week

Pick one area—parenting, partnership, or food—and pay attention to your judgments. Catch one, turn it into a question, and see what shifts.

You might be surprised by what opens up when you stop judging and start wondering.